Suckless Blogs

http://happiestpeopleever.tumblr.com/






























Nothing says joy like a decidedly neutral facial expression, at least that's what my mom's always told me. This guy apparently grew up nearby or something because I can't imagine someone looking less overjoyed by two World Series trophies than this guy. You can keep the trophies though, there's nothing that makes me smile quite like a good Tumblr blog. Go peep some people in sore need of some extra pep in their steps.

I was poking around the Internet, as I often do, when I stumbled upon this:




























What is it? This is the first credit card... ever! Check out this article on the history of credit cards from The Big Money and see how these little cards evolved into the meddlesome creatures they are today.

I just need to make sure you've seen this... I feel it's very important.

http://laughingsquid.com/




















Stealing ideas from Japan is always a good idea, I think we all know that, but an air sex competition? Well that's just plain obvious, I really don't understand how we never thought of it. Luckily we're out of the dark ages and Laughing Squid is helping us see the highlights. So whether you wanna see chicks pretending to be dudes humping make believe chicks or ... something else... there's a bunch of cool stuff and interesting vids for your amusement here.

http://www.holytaco.com/




















If my options were to jump off a cliff or get hit by a plane landing on me I'd wonder what choices I made in my life to wind up with such shitty choices. That being said, I'm not convinced I'd take the jump off a cliff route like these chaps, but I suppose when a plane is barreling down on you it doesn't take much of a plan B to sound like a good option. Anyway, if you love stuff that doesn't suck... and isn't that why you're here... then you'll love the non-stop awesomeness which is Holy Taco.

Wow... I want one.

























Courtesy of A Herd of Turtles

http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/















Have you ever seen a perfect ten wandering around with a perfect douche in the mall, or at the beach, or in a bar? I think we all have. Every time you see someone who you know can't possibly deserve to be dating the knockout they're clinging to, just remember, that means you still have hope too, no matter how out of shape or uncool you become. So pick your chin up and wet your mohawk, cause you never know.

Just want to keep everyone afloat of my situation, so here's the steez. I got a new job, great news for most, but it's cutting into my valuable blogging time. Posts will most likely come in the evening instead of mid-day from now on, but I plan on keeping you stocked full of suckless blogs, so don't lose hope! There is still a reason to live, and this blog is it.

Work the advice of this comic into a conversation. If you get a good story out of it, let me know!





















Courtesy of http://xkcd.com

http://criggo.com/












Nothing says good times like watching other people humiliate themselves, and everyone knows, the more public the better. It's funny to think that these newspapers actually have editors who buy off on this stuff, but I guess they have better things to do than their jobs... I mean just check out these great deals! See how stupid newspapers can be at Criggo.

I don't make the rules, but according to Urban Dictionary "That's What She Said" is now the most versatile joke on the planet. Let's look at some examples of how this little ditty can be used...

Try the spotted dick?
I've never had one of those before.
That's what she said.

(Observing a soccer goal)
From this angle it always looks like its going in.
That's what she said.

Look at my new car
What do you do with one that's so big
That's what she said

You get the idea. I'm not questioning the accuracy of Urban Dictionary, because I love them, but most versatile? I'm not so sure, it points the joke in a decidedly singular direction, although the funnel can start from just about anywhere.

I know you're aching for more (That's what she said) so here's a nice little blog for you that takes other people's TWSS jokes on twitter and collects them. Enjoy.

By popular demand I have decided to start including a little of my own content here on the site instead of merely referring you to the many worthwhile blogs out there. So from here on out you can expect everything Suckless Blogs has always brought you, plus a little extra. I'm just saying... this is a pretty good deal.

http://tweetingtoohard.com/














Have you ever woken up in the morning and felt really important? Like talking about yourself in the third person important? Like no, I don't have time to sign an autograph for you important? Well neither have I, but I found some people who probably can't say the same. Check out Tweeting Too Hard and you'll find a collection of douchebags so self-absorbed by their own greatness they don't even notice the rest of us making fun of them.

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/























First order of business, sorry for missing yesterday, I'm sick as a dog and I couldn't crawl out of bed long enough to find something for you. In light of my condition I found a blog to suit my somber mood of mending. This blog will probably not make you laugh, but it will show you that some people have some pretty interesting stories and they're not all happy. It's a quick hitting photo blog that's worth your time, so check it out.

http://www.maninstitute.com/





















Alright so I was reading through this blog thinking, hey, manliness, that's entertaining right? Well f@ckin A! As I was reading through the pages I found this article about a guy who cut off his own arm. Now I've heard this kind of stuff before but I'd always pictured it as some crazed animal reaction devoid of thought and reason that just happened to somehow work out. This guy, however... THIS GUY, knew exactly what he was doing and holy crap, just reading about it is intense. There's also a video of him describing it. So read the whole site but for the love of all that is good don't skip that article.

http://www.misanthropytoday.com/
















I know what you're thinking, another freakin news site... Yawn. Well stop that, stop that right now. This isn't boring news like politics and local crime. This is a site covering important issues, like how to safely avoid panhandlers, the merits of teabagging, and how to properly conduct a revenge plot against yourself. Sure everything in the world might suck, but Misanthropy Today doesn't.

http://www.myonlykidding.com/If Satan's horns look like this I can understand why he'd be in such a bad mood all the time, it looks like this lady's forehead is trying to pinch a loaf... gross. I'm going to be honest with you, if this picture doesn't get you interested enough to at least check out this blog, well then your loss. From Japanders to old ladies with horns, there is are quite a few amusing topics broached at My Only Kidding.

http://whywomenhatemen.blogspot.com/***NOT 100% WORK SAFE. MOST PAGES ARE BUT OPEN WITH CAUTION***

Have you ever tried to lure a women by posting pictures of your penis or by explaining how you are, "the best clit eater they've ever had taste them?" *shudder* If so, it's time to find an alternative to sex because it's a lost cause. On the off chance this is not how you attempt to court women (while perusing the Internet personals), then let your jaw drop as you read some of the worst personal ads ever posted. This fellas, is why women hate men.

http://thebloggess.com/Here's a quick checklist to see if you might like reading along with The Bloggess...

Do you enjoy clown sex and/or not enjoy clown sex?
Would you potentially be entertained by lemur meat suits?
If you caught a fish that had arms attached to it would you notice?
Hypothetically speaking, would you find it funny if a giraffes peed on someone?

If you answered yes or no to any of the above questions, then enter. The Bloggess awaits.

PS. Bonus Clown Porn Link

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/FACT: Drunk texting is a regrettable experience 99% of the time.
FACT: The more you regret it, the funnier other people will think it is.
FACT: You want to be the only friend you have that knows about Textsfromlastnight.com.
FACT: If something you've sent to somebody is on here, you don't want anyone to know.
FACT: Texts From Last Night is Hilarious with a capital H. Check it.

http://www.disapprovingrabbits.com/I used to think bunnies were cute little fluff balls that hopped around and pooped everywhere, but thanks to Disapproving Rabbits I now know they're just little grumpy old men who need a shave. See how many ways rabbits can express their disapproval and you'll never look at them the same again. Don't you scowl at me rabbit, don't you do it you little bastard.

It's the one week anniversary of creating Suckless Blogs and we're off to a flying start! People are coming from all over the world to visit and more people are joining in on the fun every day. What needs to happen next is FULL DOMESTIC PARTICIPATION, and unfortunately we've got a few states who have yet to be represented. So let's see if a putting said stragglers on the spot won't induce them to come out of hiding.

Would someone from the following states please join us:
Montana
Wyoming
South Dakota
Oklahoma
Mississippi
Arkansas
West Virginia
Delaware
New Hampshire

So we can say we have everyone involved in making the Internet suck less?

http://www.mil-millington.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/Today I was remembering an old girlfriend of mine that made me welcome the idea of somehow winding up in a horror movie so I could be sure at least one of us would be killed. I figured with a 50/50 chance it would be her that died first, those odds were reasonable enough to take my chances. Many of us have dated some pretty crazy people, but the couple in this blog may take the cake. With arguments on topics ranging from how to use a mirror when shaving to wearing your girlfriend's underwear, there's not much these two agree on and they know it.

http://mulletlikeme.com/
Do you like NASCAR? If you do, then you probably already know what it's like to be a redneck with a mullet trying to fit into modern society. For the rest of us, we are equally confused by the appeal of cut-off beer shirts and cars turning left over and over again. Luckily, there's one man and his mullet going underground to bring us the perspective of the mullet-laden man in America. Check out Mullet Like Me and see what it's like.

http://fuckyoupenguin.blogspot.com/Why all the animosity? I mean just cause they waddle like they just ate all your food and can't fly even though they're "birds"... okay, so maybe they're a little weird. Anyway, if you're the type of person that secretly hates things that are cute and/or benign then you'll love this site. On second thought, if you're the kind of person who loves or hates anything at all you'll love this site, it's the funniest thing out there, seriously. Check it.

http://www.fmylife.com

I can't stress this enough, DO NOT IGNORE FML BECAUSE THERE'S NO PICTURE HERE!! Don't do it. If you do you'll eventually be posting this, "I wound up in the mental ward thinking things couldn't get any worse because I have the saddest story I've ever heard, and to make it more painful everything happened semi-ironically for dramatic emphasis. I thought I was all alone but now I'm sitting here writing on Fmylife knowing that it could've been so much worse but it's too late 'cause now they won't let me out. Good bye cruel world, you have taunted me so and I won't take it anymore. Fuck my life."

Don't wind up writing that, I just did and it sucked, trust me. Just visit FML before it's too late.

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net
Disclaimer: If you disagree with anything on the Best Page in the Universe, you're probably wrong. There's good news, however, sometimes it's okay to be wrong, especially when it's this damn entertaining. So if you want to be told what a dumb SOB you are for liking or thinking the wrong things in a way that will make you smile and chuckle before you tackle the computer monitor in a violent storm of vengeful rage, then this is the site for you.

http://cooktobang.comName two things better than food and sex... yeah, didn't think so. The two best things in life come together in the magnificent Cook to Bang blog. After reading a few of the tips here you'll never take a date out to a restaurant again. Beware the crafty cook prudes of the world, you never know when the perfect mint julep makes it so you just can't say no.

http://www.engrish.com/Relax, you're not seeing things, there's just a whole mess of mistranslated signs out there. I guess some places can't afford a translator... but sometimes... you know? Next time I'm going to be really careful when I ask where I can find some grapes in this town. Check out Engrish and see how silly signs can get when no one's proofreading.

http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com/Looking at this sign and about to say something witty? Too late. Someone already did and posted it on the Internet. Don't worry though, they did a good job, you'll definitely wish you'd thought of it "first."

http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/You're not big boned, it's not your metabolism, it IS your fault. If you've ever eaten anything on the This Is Why You're Fat menu you've got no one to blame but yourself for those unwanted pounds. If you can look at this page for more than two minutes without either a) getting sick to your stomach or b) getting heartburn then kudos to you. So check it out, and maybe after hit the treadmill for a few miles just to be safe.

http://www.mattresspolice.com/Sometimes all it takes is a little general irreverence to brighten your day. I'd be hard pressed to say this blog is about something specific, more like it's just an amusing view on whatever may be on señor Diesel's mind that day. So go look at some fat chicks in swimsuits or read about the many uses of Clorox Disinfecting Wipes, your day will be better for it.

http://failblog.org/The best part is I have a buddy who wore this shirt the other day... hopefully he doesn't see this... or ya know? He might know he's a loser too. Lucky for him I don't think anyone caught him leering over an underaged girl getting sloshed in the hopes that she might pass out long enough to commit a sexual assault. Can't be sure though, stranger things have happened... I think. While I investigate, check out Fail Blog just to make sure you're not up there, if you are... it may be time to move to a country that doesn't have the Internet, those still exist right?

http://lookatthisfuckinghipster.tumblr.com/If you're like most people, you don't think much of hipsters. Which means if you're like most people, you'll find these hipster idles (sic) hilariously ridiculous. What happens during your childhood to make you grow up like this? Cry for help is an understatement. As a side note, this blog is ludicrously well named, so look at this fucking hipster.